It is well with my soul, even when it is not well with my circumstances; and without recapping this past week, let’s just say my circumstances have been crummy.
I have had moments where I wanted to break down completely. I’ve shed a few tears and wanted to scream. I have been short-tempered and on edge. I have busied myself with trivial and meaningless tasks until I am physically and mentally exhausted; and I have prayed.
I pray. I pray a lot. I pray like it’s my job. But my prayers may surprise you… I don’t pray for peace and comfort or healing. God granted those prayers years ago. And although Molly Claire may not be “healed” of Cystic Fibrosis, she is healthy and thriving – this is just a little hiccup in her journey. My prayers are of praise and thanksgiving for that. Also, my prayers are for her tests and trials to make a beautiful testament and testimony of God’s unfailing mercies, of His steadfastness and love. I pray that her life, her story will honor Him and bring glory to His name.
I don’t love my circumstances. Truthfully, I don’t even like them. I certainly don’t relish in the fact that my daughter has a terminal illness, but God has taught me that His purpose is perfect. He reminds me often that it is His will, not mine; and time, and time, and time again He has proven His faithfulness. My strength to face what may come is from the Lord – and the relationship that has been built over the course of many lessons in trust and obedience. It is only by my faith in Him and His promises that I can say “Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say it is well, it is well with my soul.”